Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
