I must be too annoying 4 u.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
