I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
