R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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