Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
