Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
