I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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