I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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