He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
