mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
