I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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