Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
