Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
