then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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