sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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