i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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