I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
