Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
