Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
