You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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