just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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