I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
