i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
