I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
