I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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