this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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