If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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