Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
