went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
