She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
