Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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