I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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