Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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