dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
