My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
