I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
