I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
