Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Your tits are I can't wait for
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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