Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
what day is it and did you see me today?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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