She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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