you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
