Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
