i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
