i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
