I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
