yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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