At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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