Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
