..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
