I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
