Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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